so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
