He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
