then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
