he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
