Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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