So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize