and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
