Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize