he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
