I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
