i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
