I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
 go to hell.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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