happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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