we're blogging at a bar
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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