Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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