I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
