Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
