i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
