I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
