She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
