What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
