there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
