Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
