Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
