Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize