he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
