Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
