1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
