Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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