worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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