god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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