awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
