i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
