I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize