can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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