I forgot how hot balto sounded
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
