It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
