we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
