before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Quick, to the slutcave!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
