my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
pray to the hookup gods
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
