Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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