just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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