You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize