He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
