I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize