did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize