That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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