The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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