New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
