he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
