The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
