just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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