I will die if light touches me.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
