Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I am available for nakedness
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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