I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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