We need to rekindle our bromance
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
