Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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