I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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