No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
