Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
