cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I love having hate sex.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
