the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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