My boss' voice literally gives me gas
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
