Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
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