I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
