the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize