He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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