my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
