10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
