I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
