from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
