dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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