You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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