he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
