He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
