Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just googled if crying burns calories
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
