I feel like abortions should bother me more
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
