What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
