I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
